he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
