I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
