Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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