I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
