K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
love makes seman taste better
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
