Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want her autograph on my taint
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
