Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
