I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
