life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
