dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So squirting runs in the family.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
