She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
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i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
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Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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