I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
