Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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