He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
