I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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