Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
