Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
