So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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