dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
