and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
