1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
what day is it and did you see me today?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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