My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
