I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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