I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
