A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
