She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
