Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
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Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
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i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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