This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
