Kareoke will never be a sober sport
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
