dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
