i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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