just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
