I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
This is the high leading the old right now
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
