U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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