the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
