Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
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I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
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I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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