Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
