Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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