I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
