...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
