I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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