glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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