sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
