Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
