So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Pants are for mortals
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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