There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
