Heybabeimwearingurpanties
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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