I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
