You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
