Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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