you guys were way drunker than both of me
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
