Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
