i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
