I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
