Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
