I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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