So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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