Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
