if i can run in heels then i can drive
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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