Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
