I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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