bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
