So drunk its hurt
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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